its not easy.

ive posted tonnes and tonnes of posts about looking forward, waking up each and every day making full use of it, doing things i like. putting things behind me.

at a certain point of time, determination gets me going.
when i look at how optimistic ppl can be, i tell myself i want to be that way.
when i tell myself being optimistic and happy gets things going, slowly i can be what i want to be.
and where i want myself to be.

but after a while, i find myself going back.
not once, not twice, not thrice.

i read this book "follow your heart"
it says if you keep doing the same things, you get the same results.
and if you failed, you will keep failing.
it happens the same with our mind too.
unless we change how we think, we will keep feeling the same way.

i did, i tried. i followed what the book said.
and i nvr learn.

i really hate nyp.
becos its really times like these, that i find it hard to keep myself going.
just one more yr...
i want out of singapore fast,
even though i cant clique with who im going with.

i dislike myself for being this way.
stay strong. stay strong. stay strong.
dont make me look so stupid.
becos i do feel that way.

let me go please.
let me out of this endless cycle.

a moment to remember.

last friday was the very last day at cptc.



so goodbye to my table.

the retard who sits directly in front of me; jessy.
the very person who makes me laugh everyday & whom i play dog and bone with.
whom i disturb whole day long and in the end had no choice but to lock herself in one room for one day & work OT becos she cant stop talking when she sees me. HAHAHA. and also the one and only person who does stupid things which i would convince her to, like saying hi to tp students whom she dont know but found her cool.

the start of tp graduation

sufonggg. she trembled like shit man.

graduation song.
i almost cried at this point.
the finale.
trainers forced to do the chicky/chicken dance.
so shake your ass. the aftermath.

remember the faces of these 4 retards.

they thought that having more students from TP means victory, and so i was forced to let them do this to me on the last day.



i killed her back with two pots. ( :

then came the pole dancing session, and while i was so engrossed in it. someone thinks hes funny.
hong wee danced, and im so going to get that video. HAHAHA.

Mr Lim. one of the best man ever. he fetches me out of jurong island as long as hes around.



Hong Wee. I think hes like a panda.each and everytime hes back from training, his face is white on top and black at the bottom. by far the best looking trainer in cptc.

Mr Goh. super cute man. he was so excited to take a picture that he started combing his hair and finding a good spot. HAHA.

Mr Tan. never really talked to him. i even nickamed him emo kid.
in the end it made me laugh when he pose for this picture.


Mr Lee Eng Wah. Seriously Eng Wah the cinema. he thinks his jokes are funny but i wouldnt say so.

Ibrahim. never really had a chance to talk much to him cos of the tp students.

I miss these two person below a lot. : (

dennis- the one who slack with me almost every morning for one hour before we would go and do our stuffs. watch youtube when boss not around, gossip to me about pretty babes, share with me all the stupid jokes. fake mc and all, i wouldnt even lie to him even though hes my sup.

jessy said she wants to stand up to take photo becos can act cute.
i refused telling her she was too short. in the end, i dont see how this is cute! we share the same birthday. ( :

ooh theres also zaidi, alex quek, mr han, henry, miss lim, sayd & david ( my ghost story cum msn partner ) ( :

so long and goodbye cptc. one of the best moments & memories ever.
i will miss this place alot, in fact im missing it already. : /

contradicting facts

humans are weird.

sometimes meeting up with people seems like the hardest thing ever.
becos our time dont seem to clash.
or either that we're all busy.
BUT.. when certain things happen,
schedule of people dont get so packed.
but often, certain things refer to things which are not so good.
its funny how humans often wait for such things to happen.
and we all start regreting.

its funny how people often keep saying to meet up but never do.
its funny how people usually say they miss you but they dont really mean it.
its funny how people say you mean this much to them, but usually from their actions it doesnt seem to tally.

yeah, it doesnt feel good.
say it like you mean it.

i want out badly.
i shouldnt have held on in the first place.
they come, they go.
i'm not a game. so arent my feelings.