its not easy.

ive posted tonnes and tonnes of posts about looking forward, waking up each and every day making full use of it, doing things i like. putting things behind me.

at a certain point of time, determination gets me going.
when i look at how optimistic ppl can be, i tell myself i want to be that way.
when i tell myself being optimistic and happy gets things going, slowly i can be what i want to be.
and where i want myself to be.

but after a while, i find myself going back.
not once, not twice, not thrice.

i read this book "follow your heart"
it says if you keep doing the same things, you get the same results.
and if you failed, you will keep failing.
it happens the same with our mind too.
unless we change how we think, we will keep feeling the same way.

i did, i tried. i followed what the book said.
and i nvr learn.

i really hate nyp.
becos its really times like these, that i find it hard to keep myself going.
just one more yr...
i want out of singapore fast,
even though i cant clique with who im going with.

i dislike myself for being this way.
stay strong. stay strong. stay strong.
dont make me look so stupid.
becos i do feel that way.

let me go please.
let me out of this endless cycle.