i almost brokedown today while working.
you know what upsets me the most?
everything below.
( in alphabetical order )

alicia.

eliza

edlyn

michelle chew

michelle lee

wendyl ( to be frank, i feel like crying each & everytime i come across the friendster. she used to be my leaning pillar )

yvonne

yinghuan

to each & everyone of them, after they entered tertiary education.

they found places they belong. ppl whom they can share things be happy with.

nobody looks back. every single one moves on & have a leaning pillar.

ever since graduation, i tried everything i could to make up with wendyl becos like i said before, she was a friend i treasured a lot. not that i dont treasure the rest, but you should know how close we were. i really tried you know. but look at all the friendster pictures. each and every time i go into friendster, all i see with all the close ppl around me, pictures uploaded with poly friends/boyfriends/etc.

new life, everybody...

what about me? where do i belong?

why do i keep holding on to things that no longer mattered. just look at everything above, it crushes me down. it crushes my spirit.

ppl finding ppl they love. ppl have best friends. i wanted so much to go into poly, and find friends, places i belong. but the more i move on, the further i look back. i compare current friends with secondary school. and when i try, the more i feel like giving up. not meeting anybody. becos im afraid they will compare me with their current friends and i'll only be worthless, i rather hold a memory as fun to be with.

everybody moved on. but i cant.

someone once said " i dont want to meet them becos it'll only show them how pathetic my life is"

the same applies.

and sometimes i wondered, why did i even try so hard for?
i'm jaded. : (

what is it that really matters.

i dont know if i should really be nice, becos i've been so nice to ppl, in the end forgetting is what i get. i'm really tired.

i want my life back, where nothing else mattered.